His Heart's Desire
by Ms. Topaz
Summary: Edward comes back to Forks without Bella noticing. He takes up his familiar perch on the tree outside her window and looks in, straight to Bella's soul. Oneshot. Rated T for angst. Edward is OOC.


There I sat, perched on a branch outside her window. I watched through the aged, slightly rippled glass, at my heart's desire.

My Bella.

She entered her room, Charlie following her attentively like a nurse; hovering, yet unobtrusively. Her face was smooth, expressionless. She turned her head obediently as Charlie kissed her forehead and bade her goodnight, but made no attempt at a smile or a returning farewell. He closed the door behind him.

Bella started to undress for bed, for Charlie's sake. I could hear Charlie's breathing and heartbeat right outside her door. Her rustling about calmed her father and he turned away and trudged back down the stairs, but as soon as Bella could no longer hear his footsteps she lost all half-cooked attempts are normalcy.

Instantly she collapsed on her bed atop her quilt, clothed in nothing but her underwear and a bra, curled up tight into a fetal position, her thin arms wrapped even tighter around her chest. She folded into herself and fell sideways slowly onto her pillow, starting to soak it through with her tears. She opened her mouth slightly and let out a small cry. Slowly the cries got louder until my angel was keening wildly, her slender body wracked with her sobs. I can count her ribs as she inhales.

She's lost weight, going from healthy and slender, willowy, to underweight and sickly looking, nearly emaciated. She's lost her pizzazz. She's lost the essence of the woman I fell in love with. I still love her, don't misunderstand me! But she was a beautiful and vibrant butterfly when I left. I've come back to a hollow cocoon. Oh god, what have I done?

Have I killed my Bella?

Charlie charged back up the stairs and knelt by the side of her bed, tactfully ignoring her lack of clothing like any good parent.

"Shh, Bella. Calm down." He soothed, moving as though to hug her.

"Don't tell me to calm down! Stop it!" She screamed through her tears. Charlie recoiled, the way one does from a mad dog: like he's afraid of being bitten.

"Bells…" Charlie hesitated and choked on his words. "Bella…he's not coming back."

"_Stop it!_" Bella screamed again. "Don't say that! It's not true!"

I dropped my head into my hands. How can she still hold out hope for my return? How could she possibly still have faith that I would come back? How could she love me this much-horrible monster that I am? How-or maybe why-could she love me so much that she has all but given up her sanity?

What have I done? What have I done?

_She was right, though, wasn't she? You _have_ come back._ The small, rationalizing part of my brain said. I dug my fingers into my temples, the pain giving me some small sense of satisfaction. My god. I _have_ turned into a masochist. _This is a mere fraction of the pain my love is suffering._

Charlie silently handed Bella a T-shirt, which she miserably slipped on. Even across the room, through the old glass and up a tree, I can see Bella's arms wrap tighter around herself, encompassing her soul like she was barely keeping herself from going to pieces. My heart-dead or not-tugged painfully.

How dare I put this perfect girl through this torture?

I wish I could die. No! I have to die. I cannot live without my Bella being happy. I thought she might adjust to my absence…but I've foisted even more pain upon her.

I sit on the tree branch, that thought stuck on repeat in my brain, and an idea pops in my mind.

_The Volturi…_

They could kill me. They could take my miserable, wretched existence and wipe it off the face of this earth. I could wait in the fiery pits of hell, longing for the day I could look up and see my perfect Bella resting on the heavenly clouds above.

I'll do it.

Tonight. I'm sure I could catch a flight to Rome, and then drive or even run to Volterra, if need be.

I can't live knowing that Bella is so distraught.

This is my only option. I die so that my Bella can live.


End file.
